Tantra and Sexual Healing
by Safe Space Radio WMPG 90.9 and 104.1 FM http://safespaceradio.com/2011/02/tantra/
An interview with body psychotherapist Betta de Boer van der Kolk about Tantra as a way to heal from sexual abuse. Betta describes Tantra as an exchange of energy that brings presence, connection, safety and play into sexuality. She teaches me a technique for couples to harmonize their breathing in order to give to each other through their bodies. She also describes ways that a woman can receive sexual healing through tantric massage, and men can learn to dissociate orgasm from ejaculation, in order to experience ejaculatory control.
I’m Worried about Getting and Maintaining My Erections… Can Tantra Help Me?
By Mare Simone, Advanced Certified Tantra Educators
Men become victims of the myth of the Perpetual Erection. It has always existed, but it’s become even more destructive because of the way in which the issue is treated in most pornography, which always features a purported Superman. That’s not reality. Often porn stars use Viagra or “fluffers”, women whose job it is to keep them aroused and hard for their performance.
It often seems as though performance anxiety and the pressure that goes along with it is the culprit that causes impotency and perpetuates it. Often I’ve found that when a man doesn’t put pressure on himself nor does his partner, the problem resolves itself, just being present and thoroughly enjoying the moment.
In Tantric sex, it’s not so important how hard your erection is, how long it lasts, or whether or not you are even hard at all.
Not only is it possible to have an orgasm without ejaculating, I have also known men who have had profound full body orgasms and multiples, without even being erect!
There are many other delightful ways that you can join with your partner to create great pleasures together, using your hands or mouth that don’t require an erection.
Tantric teaches you: how to channel your sexual energy throughout your entire body and to your partner’s body… How to have non-genital, full body orgasms…
How to enter into an exquisite spiritual/sexual state… to feel the energy flowing right through you, into your partner and back into you… creating a continuous stream of energy that flows between you. It’s incredibly satisfying! And you can do all this without necessarily having an erection.
Interestingly I have found that when sexual partners are not so concerned about whether the man has a full erection or not, the problem often ceases on its own, without needing to be fixed.
Taking the pressure off and not having to perform gives way for a deeper more gratifying experience of relaxed arousal and tremendous pleasure.
Mare Simone is an Advanced Certified Tantra Educator through the Source School of Tantra Yoga and lives in Southern California. She travels the world teaching Tantra. You can read more about her at www.maresimone.com.
Introduction to Heart Opening by Dawn & Pete Fox
Advanced Certified Tantra Educators Level 3
In Tantric loving the heart energy center is of major importance. It helps us transform our spiritual-sexual experiences into more profound, intimate and ecstatic encounters. One key to this is the practice of Heart-Opening.
In Heart-Opening we consciously seek authentic connection with others, especially a beloved partner. We cultivate two main energetic movements of our hearts: one, an outward, giving movement, and the other, an inward, receiving movement.
In Outward Heart-Opening we choose to consistently reach out to others who matter to us. We practice honesty by being the same on the outside as we are on the inside. Our outer words, expressions and behaviors reflect transparently our inner attitudes, feelings and intentions. We let go of any protective urges to distance ourselves from loving others, to baffle them, or to pretend to be someone we’re not. Instead we just be us, and give others the chance to love us as we actually are.
In our spiritual-sexuality we practice outward Heart-Opening by giving our genuine selves to our partners, for the good and delight of our partners. In relationships of mutual trust, we touch and love with great presence, attention and groundedness. We seek closeness and connection, even at the risk of rejection. We simply give ourselves, warts and all, for our partner’s deepest nourishment, awakening, healing and joy. (We ask ourselves: Are we focused on our partner’s needs and wants, and dedicated to gifting them with what they seek? Can we stretch beyond our beliefs and wishes to embrace theirs? Are we intending to embody Divine bliss in our loving touch?)
In Inward Heart-Opening we choose to let significant others have a deep impact on, and make a difference in, our lives. We consistently practice trust and surrender with those we love. Such surrender is not a giving up in defeat, but rather an opening up to personal and relational change. It does not destroy our world, but rather empowers us to expand beyond it. We let go of any urge to control others, and take responsibility for ourselves. We simply trust our loving partners as sacraments of the Divine to us, intended for our greatest nurturing, healing and blossoming.
In our spiritual-sexuality we practice inward Heart-Opening by first discerning our core experiences in lovemaking, and then conveying them to our partners. In discerning we drop into our center, beneath our protective shields and armor, and allow ourselves to feel without judgment. (We ask ourselves: Are we delighted? Does that hurt? Is there an almost overwhelming sense of serenity or joy? Is an inexplicable anger, sadness or fear bubbling up? Do we even know what we’re feeling?)
Then, in conveying our core experiences to our loving partners we practice expressing ourselves directly, manifesting our feelings exactly as they are. We avoid self-censoring and filtering out unthinkable thoughts and forbidden feelings. Instead, we laugh, we cry, we smile, we grimace, we moan, we howl, we move with rhythm, passion and willingness. And we share with our partners how much we welcome, enjoy and care for them. (Remember, when we give honest and compassionate feedback, we empower our partners to love us better than ever.)
Over time the mutual practice of Heart-Opening leads to fuller understanding, greater trust, deeper intimacy, more consciously ecstatic loving, and a personal and mutual blossoming with our partners. The upward spiral of reciprocal giving and receiving takes us to new levels of creativity, confidence, pleasure and connection. And, increasingly, we actually live the lives we have always dreamed of.
Pete and Dawn Fox reside in Houston Texas and offer classes and private sessions by appointment. Visit them at www.tantricloving.com ~ email@example.com ~ 281-298-8211
By Dawn Beck and Gerard Gatz ~ Certified Tantra Educators Level II
With the divorce rate in the US currently between 40 – 50% and so many couples living in a state of coexistence with a tremendous lack of sexual, playful, intimate, and/or spiritual connection, we can feel that the pressures of being in a committed relationship is less than ideal. For many couples, there is so much pressure to keep house, raise children, make money, keep up with activities that involve friends, other family members, and self care, that the core relationship is what ends up suffering. That relationship takes the back seat to all the other ‘more important’ obligations and responsibilities. The couple who started out so attracted to one anther….so in touch with their common dreams and desires….and so in love….are now sharing in the ‘work’ of life, and missing out in the ‘pleasure’ of life together.
As Certified Tantric Educators, Gerard and I are contacted almost weekly by a couple who has ‘lost the juice’. Sometimes it’s the man. Sometimes it’s the woman. Sometimes it’s both. They seek answers to questions like: “How can we bring the passion back into our lives”? “Why doesn’t my wife want to have sex with me”? “Where is the intimacy in our relationship”? “How can my partner and I go deeper”? “Why am I bored with just having sex”?
To answer these and other questions, we encourage a couple to explore Tantra and Sacred Sexuality. We encourage them from a place of not only being Certified Tantric Educators, but from a place of being a couple for over 12 years who have all the challenges that most couples have. We have 2 kids, 20 and 24, who we have been through raising together since they were 8 and 12, and who, though don’t live with us now, still depend on us for partial financial and continued emotional support. We both work hard in our busy lives, running a joint business and our own businesses, have a mortgage and other financial obligations, needing time for ourselves, have some of the same and some different interests, and….probably the most challenging of all…..live together! When I say that living together is the biggest challenge, I don’t mean that we don’t enjoy living together or that we don’t actually do that very well. We do. What I mean is that when a couple lives together, ALL their stuff is out ALL the time. Emotional stuff. Physical stuff. Quirky stuff. Sex stuff. ALL of it! The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly! And, with all of that stuff on the surface, it is sometimes challenging to keep sight of the initial reasons for the coming together. Easy to take each other for granted. Easy to allow the every day grind to become more important than the relationship. And…easy to not feel the initial sexual charge that was there at the very beginning.
Because we are a couple who deeply honors our relationship by practicing what we preach, we love sharing with couples ways to bring more passion, intimacy, connection, love, and sexual fulfillment into their lives. We encourage couples, through our private session work and workshops to set Tantric dates with each other, to give each other compliments and not take each other or the relationship for granted, to do special little things for each other, to honor each other’s differences and similarities and find the joy in both, to spend time and energy creating surprises for each other to keep their love and lives fresh and vibrant, to add sacred sexual healing into their loving, to not focus on who is right or wrong, but to focus on the importance of their partnership, to take time away from each other when needed as to not build up resentment, and to communicate with respect and consideration, treating each other as they desire to be treated.
The couples that we work with learn so much from us, because we set an example of what is possible. And, we learn so much from working with couples, because it reminds us of what the challenges are and what we have to keep committing to in our own relationship to keep it growing and deepening. With learning in both directions, we feel that we are blessed to have the opportunity to share our love, not only with each other, but to inspire couples around us in knowing that we live with many of the same challenges in relationship that they do, but so enjoy and grow in our relationship by committing to the intention of practicing loving each other with open communication, incorporating Tantric dates, keeping a sense of humor, and staying present to our own as well as each other’s needs, growth, changes, and love. With some of these simple reminders, we realize that so much beauty and depth is possible in the realm of being a couple.
Do you feel that there may be more to love than you are experiencing? Are you ready to deepen your relationship together …to enjoy more pleasure and create more connection? We offer this workshop as an opportunity for you to journey deeper into your relationship as a loving couple. Share a weekend merging with your beloved. Learn howTantric loving can greatly add to your relationship. Discover new paths of loving each other in conscious, healing and playful ways!
Learn ways to:
- Deepen the intimacy and connection in your relationship
- Love your partner with more intention of healing and enlivening
- Awaken orgasmic pleasure in ways you’ve only dreamed about
- Create a sexual relationship that honors your love and commitment
- Banish boredom from the bedroom and enjoy each other in a renewed way
- Learn ejaculatory choice… to increase sexual pleasure, health and vitality
- Bring more love, passion and joy into your life!
You can learn Tantra from Dawn and Gerard in Colorado!
Sacred Sexuality and Conscious Loving for Couples; A Weekend Journey into Intimacy and Love
- When: November 12 – 14, 2010
- Where: Boulder, CO
- When: January 28-30, 2011
- Where: Miami, FL
- To Register: http://www.tantricsacredjourneys.com/registerforworkshops.html
- For more info: www.tanticsacredjourneys.com
- Email: firstname.lastname@example.org
- Call720 304-6449
Giving back the Gift of Tantra
By Robert Wagner, Level 3 Advanced Certified Tantra Educator
For me, exploring Tantra has been a journey of continual amazement, delightful surprises and profound healing. From my initial eavesdropping on a talk Charles Muir gave at a local bookstore (my ears perked up at “multiple orgasms”) to the healing sessions I’ve been privileged to facilitate, the art of Tantra has played a tremendous role in how I show up as a man, not only in relationships but with friends, at my jobs, and in small everyday encounters. What strikes me most as I continue my own work (as we all know, the possibilities are endless once you begin to open up…) is not only the transforming power of Tantra but the tremendous hunger I notice in both men and women for sexual healing and wholeness.
How did Tantra get such a hold on me? It was probably my first beginner’s weekend in March 2006. Thinking I was a pretty open man already, I experienced a huge energetic shift as I caught a glimpse of what intimacy could offer – my current paradigm was shattered. I realized I had the choice Charles Muir refers to: Did I want to continue as an average lover or become a master at making love to a woman? I was humbled as I saw women begin to experience their sexual energy and the amount of pleasure it could bring.
In my Level I training with SSTY, I learned how to give to and honor a woman; experiencing the sexual energy of a woman as she opens up was extremely powerful for me. Now it was my turn: Level II training taught me how to receive. Men tend to be wrapped tightly, and base chakra work is essential to unleash the latent energy there. Experiencing my first full-body orgasm only strengthened my excitement at the possibilities awaiting all lovers: if you can breathe into it, keep opening up to the pleasure, your body can experience its full aliveness, its true sacred power and flow. Level III for me was learning how to dance with the masculine and feminine energy – how to actually send and receive love with a partner through the eyes and heart and fingertips, without even touching.
It was time now to starting living the work, sharing it with others. My toolbox was full, no more classes needed – it was time to give it back. I remember thinking very clearly, “I can’t keep this inside.” I was ready to embody Tantra, to mirror back what I had learned in a very sacred, authentic way. So I hung out my shingle, and Sacred Desire was born.
Sacred Desire offers intimacy coaching for couples, techniques in the Art of Tantra (from Soul Gazing to Sacred Spot Massage) and healing sessions for individuals and couples. Couples are seeking how to regain the sensual spark in their relationship; women are curious about how they can experience more pleasure in lovemaking, and men seeking to connect more closely to the woman and to their own power. Often a need for sexual healing arises, to address past emotional wounds or physical trauma that may be hindering the person’s openness to love. I approach healing sessions with respect and compassion, letting the man or woman begin from where they are and take things completely at their own pace to arrive at their goal. Creating a safe, sacred space is essential. I remember working with a woman who hadn’t been with a man for 20 years and wasn’t sure if she had any sexual energy left at all. The session was a beautiful unfolding that restored her confidence in her sexual receptiveness, and it gave her tools, which she very much wanted to bring to her new relationship.
Another inspiring venue for presenting Tantra is human sexuality classes. Recently I addressed a group of men and women aged 18-60 who were enrolled in a community college nearby. The response was huge: I presented the basics of intimacy through Tantra and concluded with a soul-gazing exercise. They were so obviously hungry for knowledge of how to be fully present in relationship and have a genuinely meaningful connection with a partner. I was aware that it was myself, rather than the techniques I had to share, that most affected them: people feel that presence, that aliveness in our beings that Tantra brings forth.
It’s that presence that I feel most in my own personal life. I’m more awake, more alive and more compassionate when I listen to people. I feel more grounded and youthful. I belong to a men’s group, and I feel I’m a better man because of Tantra, able to be more honoring to both men and women. There’s nothing like the feeling of “showing up fully” in a situation.
In 2009, searching for ways to market Sacred Desire, I launched a “singles mixer” with a few friends. “Mixer” is an event where conscious single people looking to meet other singles can come together in a classy place – we’ve done wine bars, art galleries and vineyards – for mingling and some planned activities designed to foster connections. We typically use a few guided “icebreakers”, thought provoking questions that draw the conversation to a deeper, more personal level. Another activity is to form a moving line of men and women facing one another, where we introduce Tantra techniques such as soul gazing and experiencing another’s energy – planting seeds for more authentic relationships.
Are people out there wanting deeper connection? Over 100 singles responded to our survey and the events have been very successful. We are looking forward to bringing our mixer to the Rogue Valley again this autumn.
I even bring Tantra into my vision quests. On the Warriors’ Quest, a journey for men, I share the basics of Tantra after the men return from their 4-day solo in the wilderness. In that open, expansive state, men are ready to hold the knowledge of how to truly honor a woman. They are most grateful.
Why is Tantra important for our times? Because we need to heal ourselves fully as men and women. We need to realize that everything we need is inside ourselves, and find a way to let that light shine – not just in the bedroom, but in our work, our families, our community involvements. When we’ve embraced that energy and let it transform us, the world will truly be a different world, full of love, harmony, and wholeness.
Robert Wagner of Ashland, Oregon has been a Certified Tantra Educator since 2006. He completed his Level I training in July of 2006, Level II training in December 2006 and Level III advanced training with Charles Muir in July 2007. Robert has also worked with Loraia Ward in several “Dancing the God & Goddess” workshops. His Tantra work is shared through his business Sacred Desire (www.sacreddesire.com).
Robert also completed the New Warrior Training with the Mankind Project in 2002, and became a Vision Quest Guide through the School of Lost Borders in 2005, leading journeys in Death Valley and the Southern Oregon wilderness through The Seventh Quest (www.seventhquest.com).
Please feel free to contact Robert at 541-301-8591 or email@example.com
Corey Folsom, Level 2 Certified Tantra Educator
In sacred sex we emphasize the divine essence of our partner and of each other’s gifting. One sweet way to hold these gifts as precious is to language our interaction and our bodies in a new and beautiful way.
As a man I grew up hearing lovemaking described in all sorts of coarse, vulgar, unfeeling and sometimes violent ways from older boys, popular movies, etc. I was never offered the perspective of sex as “sacred energy exchange” until I entered the world of tantra.
My beloved and I borrowed some terms from our teachers, Charles Muir & Leah Alchin, and a few words will be familiar to many tantrikas. We also developed a couple of our own.
The woman’s vagina is more lovingly and affectionately spoken of as her “Sacred Space” or her “Yoni”.
The man’s penis is honored by the term “Lingam” or “Wand of Light” (commonly just “Wand” for us).
The woman’s clit is tenderly spoken of as her “Pearl”.
Going down on her becomes… “OH MY” which, for us, stands for Oral Honoring of My Yoni.
Blow job is better termed a “Big Joy” since calling it a “job” feels demeaning compared to the opening of my heart that occurs when I’m loved in such an intimate way.
In our shared intimacy an orgasm becomes known as a “Waterfall” (because sometimes it feels as if we’re approaching, dancing at the edge and then going over a waterfall of pleasure).
The woman’s ejaculatory fluid is reverently described as “Amrita” and is accepted as a blessing of the highest order.
A male ejaculation becomes honored as a “Fountain”.
The full feeling / expression from our heart is referenced as a “Heart-On”.
A soft penis is welcomed in our sweet play as a “Soft-On”.
My erections are celebrated as evidence that I’m “Alive and Well” (as in “Oh, I see that you’re alive and well!”).
We call the blessing of the man’s ejaculatory fluid “Divine Nectar”.
As you can see our language supports the sacred way in which we hold each other in our hearts and come together in reverence and honor.